Having a say

Sunday Blog 207 – 2nd November 2025

This Sunday Blog comes with a trigger warning. I’m going to talk about sexual assault so if that is not the right topic for you today, please scroll on.

This week I had a major breakthrough with a stale writing goal. The kind that gets written out in long hand, month after month in my diary, my goals book, my to-do list. And I fail over and again to start the wretched thing. And then this week, not only did I start it, I finished it. A shitty first draft anyway. I’m talking about a book proposal, because now my manuscript is kind of done-ish, I can’t slacken. The difficult path of finding a publisher is ahead of me, hypnotic in its dizzying peak.

My completed-ish manuscript intertwines my memoir debriefing the home invasion and assault I survived on 10th May 2002, with imagined scenes of the same events through the (unknown) perpetrator’s perspective.

A book proposal forces you, among many things, to consider other titles which may be similar to yours, or would be shelved next to your book. Know My Name was one of those suggested on a google search, and I accordingly included it in the draft proposal. Then I reflected I should actually read the book rather than just borrow its plumes to fluff out my document.

And so, I’ve been glued to Know My Name all weekend. It’s a gripping, well-written memoir by Chanel Miller. You may recall her case in the US, very unusual in that there were two witnesses, two guardian angel men who discovered an unconscious Chanel being sexually assaulted by Brock Turner. Brock was a promising swimmer on campus, but these men saw him for what he was. They chased him, tackled him and held him until police arrived and therefore, he was brought him to justice. Without them rescuing Chanel, the assault no doubt would have been worse, and she would have had no chance of progressing a case through the court system

Chanel anonymously published her 7,000 word victim impact statement at the time of Brock’s meagre sentencing, and she ignited a public outcry. She has since written the powerful memoir which I’m half way through. There are many terrible moments, and yet what made me sob this morning was this;

It had never occurred to me that the system itself could be wrong, could be changed or improved. Victims could ask for more. We could be treated better.

Know My Name, Chanel Miller, page 139

From the very moment I became a victim, I had a say. Within seventy-two hours, I’d sent a three page letter of feedback about the process of undergoing a forensic examination. I gave feedback to the police, the the DPP. Over time, I joined in state and national reform initiatives. It never occurred to me that I didn’t have a voice.

Sure, I was 36-years-old, not in my twenties when it happened to me. But something about Chanel’s silencing got to me.

How very precious it is to have a voice. How we must all nurture and amplify our voices. Life will never be perfect, but improvement in how we treat each other is always an option. Always.

27 Years Ago Today

(Almost) Sunday Blog 206 – 27th October 2025

I delayed the Sunday Blog to 27th October so I could marinade in all the twenty-sevens. Because twenty-seven years ago today in 1998 I was in labour in a birthing pool. And now, darling daughter is twenty-seven. (Or she will be tomorrow, because labour can take a while…)

Also, because I attended a recent conference, Strength to Progress, for people wanting to see change in the birth world. In a moving, thought-provoking documentary, “Five decades of water birth in WA,” I was the poster girl for water birth in the 1990s, contributing two of the images above. The film was put together by a couple of powerhouses; Lisa from Simply Birth and Cath from Nurture and Bloom.

Top left photo was the birthing pool I hired – that’s what we used in Perth before Simply Birth began importing the blow up ones in 2006. Back in 1998 I’d had to hire the octagonal wooden monster from the midwives running Perth’s home birth program. Heavy wooden panelling no pregnant woman could safely lift. Mattresses. Tarpaulin. Cover sheet. Giant ockey straps. This contraption was delivered by long-suffering relatives to Swan Districts Hospital where I was due to have my baby at the family birth centre.

‘Those mattresses look like someone has died on them,’ my sister said.

Cruel, but fair. However, once the mattresses were covered up it was quite respectable, even inviting, as hopefully shown in the middle photo.

Just imagine how wondrous a boon it was to Perth (and indeed all of Australia) when Simply Birth pools became available in 2006. They could be brought along to hospital in a small box and blown up in five minutes. But back in 1998 there wasn’t even a water birth policy. If I’d been having a baby in Sydney in 1998, it all would have been very straightforward. In conservative Perth, it was not.

In 2025 there have been many advances and improvements for women and babies. But. Strength to Progress keynote speaker Dr Bashi Kumar-Hazard highlighted what to me is the core of the ongoing issue, and not just in maternity care. Models of care. The invisible web of pre-determined choices that the everyday, non-clinical person will be completely oblivious to. How can we provide informed consent, when we don’t understand the options?

It’s like turning up to a chess tournament with a working knowledge of how to play Solitaire. You’re screwed. When a woman comes into hospital with a birthing plan, she will usually be unaware that the hospital has their own birthing plan. Their model of care that she will need to comply with.

And for every health intervention in a hospital, there will be a model of care that’s nearly always completely opaque to the patient. From that information asymmetry can flow unnecessary suffering and harm.

And so, twenty-seven years after giving birth to my daughter and emerging as a health advocate, I am still passionate about people being able to make informed health choices. My work might look very different today, as I now focus on digital health, but the underlying challenge remains the same.

Give us information so that we can make the right choices for ourselves, our bodies, our health, our lives.

Thursday’s child has far to go

Sunday Blog 205 – 19th October 2025

Thursday's child has far to go wording on an image with a winding country road at sunset

When we pulled into my suburb in Perth, on the drive home from the airport 19 days ago, my heart sank. It was all over. Ireland, Italy, France, Greece. Focusing on writing. Honing my European driving skills. All over.

Such a whiny baby. How could I even give myself a moment of self-pity for living in one of the best places in the world? Sigh.

And yet, here I am.

My childhood was particularly stable, with mature, kind parents and a home that was an institution, a suburban fortress of respectability and consistency. Our home was filled with books; including the one with the Monday’s Child nursery rhyme. I was born on a Thursday, and therefore, apparently I had far to go.

Travelling to Europe with my family as a fourteen-year-old transformed me. It set in motion an unquenchable desire to return to Europe. From teen to adult, I was fixated on making the journey back.

I finished school, worked for two years, got a degree, all against the persistent drumbeat of desire to move to London. I well remember from that time the scorn I meted out to friends and colleagues who didn’t have travel experience or aspirations. And envy as I watched my Perth friends come and go to London. But I wanted to have a degree and professional skills under my belt before I made the big move. I wanted to work somewhere other than a pub.

And so I was the advanced age of twenty-five before I moved to Europe in 1990. I still have the diary entry written at Moscow Airport, waiting to board my plane from there to London. FYI, Aeroflot was the cheap airline of choice in those days.

Diary Entry. Moscow Airport, 14th June 1990

I’m not as excited as I should be… I’ve had such wild dreams about this holiday. I’m hoping it will (now I think of it) slough the layer of apathy off the layer of calm, and allow me to look many fears in the face: physical fitness, singing and music, language fluency, my career etc.

But I suppose the closer I get to the destination, the more I mistrust romantic notions of a clean sweep. I am, after all, still the same person, even the 14-year-old who last trod on the moving walkways of Heathrow.

Spoiler alert, my physical fitness remained at the lower end of the spectrum, although I did start doing yoga in London in 1995. I still am fluent only in English and never pursued music with any seriousness.

The career though, that bit went well.

I lived in Europe from age 25 to 34. I’ve been back in Perth now for 26 years. I still haven’t given up on fluency in French. In fact, right now, I’m plotting a longer trip to France, to immerse in the language as well as pursuing new book projects.

Can I still feel the traces of the 14-year-old that first trod the moving walkways of Heathrow in 1979? The ambitious 25-year-old who returned to conquer in 1990? The 34-year-old solo mama who returned from Europe with her baby daughter in 1999? Underneath it all, do we ever change as much as we think we do?

Well, it’s true I’m more world-wise, and I would consider myself bolder, more willing to take risks and challenge myself (case in point, driving on the right hand side of the road). Yes, perhaps I have, as Joan Didion said, lost touch with the people I used to be.

And yet. The pull of Europe. That’s stayed the same.

If you’re not alive, is it still your birthday?

Image with party balloons and presents and the quote 'If you're not alive, is it still your birthday?'

Sunday Blog 204 – 12th October 2025

Asking for a friend. Or my dear departed dad I suppose. Not that he was particularly interested in birthdays while he was alive. Let’s say it wasn’t part of his family culture. He was one of eleven children in a family with few extra resources for birthday treats. When he married Mum he had to get used to birthdays being A Thing.

My husband has also had to get used to this, although he’s fighting back. He drew my attention to this video which contends that people who treat their birthday like a normal day are very well-adjusted, self-referencing people well on the way to enlightenment. Or some such.

Do we care? Not really. Yesterday was proclaimed to be Dad’s heavenly 100th. He died just before he turned 95 (see last week’s blog). We ignored any cavilling over the matter, took the chance to gather, celebrate and eat birthday cake.

Meditations on deathiversaries, Irish twins and headstones

Sunday Blog 203 – 5th October 2025

Image of headstone upper left, then bottom right with amended wording. Top right the four eldest, bottom left Jesus and his scared or sacred heart
Top left, the scared heart of Jesus, ditto ditto bottom left.
Top right, the four eldest boys Mick, John, Jeff, Gerard – Irish quadruplets if you will (there were plenty more where they came from)
Bottom right, the correct headstone with Dad’s beer mug for some cheer on his fifth deathiversary

It’s Dad’s five year deathiversary, and I think enough time has passed to tell this story.

It wasn’t until two weeks before his death that I even knew there was a three-for-one grave at Fremantle cemetery that Dad had purchased back in 2003 or thereabouts for his brother Jeff. Irish twins, Jeff was born on 5th October 1924, Dad was born on 11th October 1925.

Jeff’s grave had been largely unloved and unvisited since 2003, but in 2020, Dad suddenly piped up with an offer for Mum to join him there if she wanted to. It was a tense conversation with hospital staff during his last hospital stay, where they essentially said they wouldn’t admit him again. Dad was getting the tip the end was nigh. His burial arrangements were the least pressing issue of the moment. Nonetheless, Mum rose to the occasion.

“I’m going to insist on being buried there,” she said.

When I went to do a site inspection, Jeff’s headstone had been placed on the grave as if there were no further guests to be accommodated. As if Dad had planned for his own death but largely hoped it wouldn’t happen. In the end, he died on what would have been Jeff’s 96th birthday.

Time passed after the funeral, with only Uncle Jeff’s headstone in place. After much wrangling and thinking and going to several monument providers, I was advised to remove Jeff’s headstone and replace it with one that had equal room for all three inhabitants, both present and future.

Fine, I thought. How hard can it be? I just needed to copy across the wording from Jeff’s headstone (Most Sacred Heart of Jesus I Place My Trust in Thee) and agree to the wording for Dad’s third of the granite among his surviving adult children. Simple.

Quite pleased with myself at emerging in one piece from the fracas of finalising the copy for Dad’s section of the headstone, and in 2022 I signed off on the proofs for the memorial company with a smug sense of completion. Then, light of heart, I headed to Europe for my annual Greek September pilgrimage. Divine.

So that meant it was the early hours of the morning when I received the email from my sister who as executor paid  all the bills. The memorial company had faithfully engraved the wording I had approved. She’s spotted the mistake straight away which I’d missed.

“Oh dear,” I said. “I’ll admit it all to Mum when I get home.”

When I visited Mum for a cup of tea with a side of confession, I took my time leading up to it. My admission of the gaffe that was carved in granite for all to see was hard to broach. It was not at all what she was expecting, so she kept supplying suggestions for what I was trying to spit out.

Eventually I burst forth. “It says scared heart of Jesus, not sacred.”

Such a simple transposition. A short silence.

“To be fair, he probably was quite scared,” Mum said. How we laughed.

The monument provider was mortified by the mistake and a little scandalised by Mum’s amusement.

So today I took a moment to visit Dad on his fifth deathiversary, Jeff on his 101st birthday, and visit all three now at rest in the grave. When Mum joined the brothers in 2024, I had the melancholy chance to update the headstone, remove all traces of my error.

I took down fake candles, Dad’s old beer mug engraved by a group of students in the 1970s I couldn’t bear to throw out, and decided to play the short video of the wake speeches.

Happy deathiversay Dad, if that’s a thing. No scared hearts here at all.

Limnisa – always different, always the same

Sunday Blog 202 – 28th September 2025

Act One – Limnisa
Top left, 2019 – I’m on the ferry from Methana back to Athens, the hair dye already fading – I’d had done in a hairdresser in Turkey while trying to mend my broken writer’s heart.

Act two – Limnisa
Top right, 2024- I’m sitting in one of the many beautiful linger nodes created at Limnisa, trying to capture the many beautiful colours of the sky and sea in my photo.

Act three – Limnisa
Bottom left – 2025 on of our sunset taverna dinners. I’m in the red top. Generally, the weather was absolutely divine.
Bottom right – 2025 I’m sitting in the desk as in the 2024 picture, with an impressive The End on the manuscript. Well, for this round of edits, anyway

Act One – 2019

The very first time I went to the Limnisa Writing Retreat in Methana, Greece, it was 2019. It’s fair to say that year I’d had a difficult writing holiday. Before I left Perth, I’d planned an online meeting with my mentor when I was in Glasgow. While I’d undertaken a mentorship for my book project, it turned into more of a manuscript appraisal. In my lonely hotel room in Glasgow, looking out at the pouring summer rain, I listened as she delivered the verdict: “This is not publishable in its current format.” I’d then travelled from Glasgow to Turkey. We’d arranged for me to take two weeks to absorb the blow of this feedback, work on her initial suggestions and check in to find a way forward. In Turkey, my mentor then advised me she no longer wanted to work with me. The feedback was more along the lines of “this manuscript is not fixable.” After Turkey, I washed up in Limnisa for a six-day retreat with no book project or clear idea of how to proceed. Enter Mariel, the gracious host of Limnisa. “Your motivation to tell this story is very strong,” she told me in a feedback session. This was so helpful, and with this kernel of encouragement, bit by painful bit I began to work my way forward with a dramatically revised draft.

Act Two – 2024

In the five years between 2019 and 2024, I’d entered the Limnisa Writing competition, and placed fourth, which meant I got a 25% discount on my stay there. I had two years to redeem my prize, and in 2024, I returned for a ten-day retreat. So much had improved with my manuscript from the kindling of Mariel’s encouragement in 2019. I’d been able to qualify for the 2021-2023 Emerging Writers Program so by 2024 I was getting closer to having the manuscript I dreamed of. I worked away at it during my 2024 Limnisa stay, basking in the beauty and inspiration of the place.

Act Three – 2025

It can be awkward when filling in an application for a writing retreat when you are bringing the same project back for the third time. But there’s no judgement. This time, I booked two full weeks. My manuscript was stronger still, but of course, needed work. With the encouragement of fellow writers (here’s looking at you Jo Briggs!), I finished another round of major edits. And as ever, Mariel is there, the gracious host of this unique place, Limnisa. Her home, which she has transformed into a writer’s paradise that she shares with us each year in May and September. The simple format of silence before lunch is a winner. Limnisa has endless spots to sit and write, and the place draws us back over and over. Many of us have been multiple times. We share silence, meals, raucous conversations and a safe space to read out our work. We commiserate over our challenges and setbacks; rejoice in the milestones we achieve.

Mariel says as we are leaving, “Limnisa. Always different, always the same.”

Here’s to 2026 when I plan to return but with a different manuscript!

That’s more like it…

Sunday Blog 201 – 21st September 2025

The Greek writing retreat I’ve been immersed in since last week has many repeat customers, including me. This is my third time at Limnisa, near Methana in Greece. With its ocean, olive trees, choice of apartment living or retreat centre it’s the perfect mix for me.

Memories of Ireland, Italy and France have faded into a distant past. My daily ritual of morning yoga with this view behind me but with the beautiful red dawn sky, silence at the retreat centre until 1.15 so we can get our writing done, delicious meals, stimulating conversations (when we’re allowed to talk again) with writers from across Europe–it’s my new normal.

I’ve really enjoyed bumbling along with my appalling Greek littered with Italian and French, and also dipping into memories of my life in 1990s Greece. It’s all a rich soil for writing.

For the only time this year, I have a full bingo card for my weekly habit tracker. So this writing/working holiday with all its twists and turns is all about me getting aligned. All about me getting the damn book finished. I’ve told myself I can’t get on the plane next Sunday in Athens unless I’ve got her done.

And at this stage, it’s looking good.

When adventure comes knocking

Door knocker from Bayonne

Sunday Blog 200 – 14th September 2025

Around about this time last week, I was forming a desperate resolve. Just 48 hours into my French writing retreat, I realised I couldn’t manage another seven days. There was a slim window of escape around 3pm when they were picking up the next retreat attendee from the nearest train station, which was a 45-minute drive away. This was a no taxi, no uber situation.

I’ve looked back through the messages to see if there were red flags I missed. But everything I’d read sounded good. Attention paid to writing desks. Tick. Possibility of standing desks. Tick. While the retreat was nowhere near the ocean it had a pool. Tick. Meals delivered to you was perhaps a detail I bleeped over. I liked the sound of 24 hour self-service snack and beverages. The photos looked wonderful.

“It reminds me of the writing retreat in Jane Austen Wrecked My Life”, I’d confidently asserted to family and friends. But that writing retreat was in Bath, England, not countryside France.

I’d arrived exhilarated by the memory of my five-day Italian writing retreat in Verona. Author Catherine McNamara hosted me in her family home. We were both reading Helen Garner books by the end of my stay. We negotiated meal times and menus and when it was time I would come into the kitchen and we’d talk books furiously and cook side by side. I taught her to poach eggs and that was our breakfast every day. There were books, books, books in the house.

The French retreat was an hour’s drive from the airport, and it had been a day-long journey from Italy. But the person who was supposed to meet me at the airport wasn’t there. I had to wait in the cafe for about half an hour and was told to look out for someone with flowers. Like a deformed date, where neither the date nor flowers were real. The plastic posy wasn’t for me but I instinctively reached out to it, he clutched it back to himself and we awkwardly made our way to his car.

After my one-on-one retreat in Italy I was looking forward to meeting other attendees. Only when I arrived and was shown to my room I was advised I was the only attendee. So much for the peer feedback I thought might be coming my way that week.

First up I was given ten minutes alone in the room “to arrive” I think emotionally (during which I unpacked) and was then offered a glass of wine on a silver platter for our first tete a tete.

I didn’t really want the wine but couldn’t quite see how to refuse. I sipped at it while the complicated menu system was explained. It seemed to require endless daily decision-making. I quite like a kitchen forage, and at first, I thought that might be a possibility, due to the advertised 24/7 self-service snack situation. When I was shown the kitchen I looked in some dismay at the messy cutting board, the sink full of refuse. This is one of the perpetual wars I wage at home with my husband. I itched to clean up the retreat kitchen, but it was like there was a repulsive forcefield half-way into the kitchen where I was not allowed to enter.

I had a couple of goes trying to forage for snacks as advertised, but each time, I committed a new infringement of her complicated, opaque kitchen system. Perhaps the main problem was having to share her house and kitchen as she was, well, asking good money for it. I also hadn’t quite realised that meals in my room weren’t so much an option as a compulsion. Guest out of sight and out of mind?

Looking back, I never recovered from her telling me she doesn’t read. So spoiled from my Italian retreat, where we talked books back and forward across the decades and genres, it was hard to be content with the “library” outside my door consisting of ten books, one of which was hers.

So, locked in my room, starved of reading materials and only able to receive the meals that I ordered through What’s App, the final straw was a lunch on a silver tray, but with capsicum. I had completed the form advising of any dietary requirements. It is the only dietary requirement I actually have. I was the only guest. And yet, here we were. The seven days stretched out ahead of me in a long conga line of confusing interactions and unwanted gestures of service. Instead of feeling spoiled, I felt cornered and stripped of my autonomy.

So on Sunday I took a long, countryside walk to make sure I wasn’t being too impulsive. I knew it would play havoc with the writing goals, but I knew the Greek writing retreat was a full two weeks yet to come. So before I finished my walk, I invented an opaque family crisis and messaged it to her, and asked for a lift to the train station.

Normally I am garrulous and a huge over-sharer. But all of a sudden I became circumspect about the details of this family crisis.

“Can you pack in ten minutes?” she said, after trying but failing to elicit any information from me as to why I was leaving. Then, she seemed to understand. Perhaps she has had this experience before?

I could pack in ten minutes. I did. Got the train back to the city and stayed in an airport hotel, hired a car the next day and hit the open road to Biarritz.

Freedom! It was so good to hone my right-hand sided driving skills and pass by fields similar to those which had rolled past while I was trapped with the man with the plastic posy.

I met up with a colleague from the 1990s in Bayonne. I got to see Biarritz. Actually, I saw it four times in the first hour of arriving when I got caught in the one way road system while looking for a park. I got a bit of writing done. But it was an adventure that came knocking, and I hurled open the door in welcome.

Father’s Day reflection

Sunday Blog 199 – 7th September 2025

Composite image - top row left to right, my great grandfather Patrick Brennan my grand father Patrick Brennan my father Gerard Brennan, bottom row left me at Corballa, Sligo, me at Maynooth College with my American cousin
Top row, left to right – my great grandfather Patrick Brennan, my grandfather Patrick Brennan and my father Gerard Brennan. Bottom row, left to right, me at Corballa where my grandfather was born, me and my American cousin Jane at Maynooth where my grandfather studied to be a priest. Spoiler alert, he didn’t become a priest.

I’ve been on the road since Friday 23rd August. I’ve flown across the world, driven hundreds of kilometres in Ireland, both in the Republic and Northern Ireland, then travelled to Italy for five days and am now in France. Two Sundays have gone by without a Sunday blog. I either haven’t had the bandwidth (because, 17 hour 45 minute direct flight from Perth to London) or energy (because transit day Ireland to Italy). And I’ve been marinading a blog on Ireland which needed time to simmer. There’s been a re-arranging of some of my bedrock thinking going on.

Today in Australia it’s Fathers Day, and I’m reflecting on my father, his father, and his grandfather (see photo, top row, left to right). Let’s start with my grandfather, the middle black and white image. Patrick Brennan. He was born in 1870 and was the “fine big lad” destined for the priesthood. He left his home in Corballa (see bottom left, a selfie of me showing the humble home where he was born in the background) to study to be a priest at Maynooth (bottom right beautiful ivy-coloured college, me and my American cousin on our Ireland adventure).

To get in the mood for this Ireland trip and to while away the 17 hours 45 minutes Perth-London flying time, I chose to watch the 1996 movie Michael Collins starring Liam Neeson and Julia Roberts. It was an excellent preparation (apart from Julia Roberts’ token female role) and a perfect take-off point for my binge listening to The Rest is History’s podcast series on Ireland. Walking around the streets of Dublin, Belfast, Derry, Donegal, Galway and listening to them debrief of how the map of Ireland is as it is today. Slipping into Northern Ireland with no fanfare, and out of it again so quickly I had to buy another stamp for my postcard. The Ulster stamp I’d bought in Derry wouldn’t work in Letterkenny.

But back to family history and the line of my father. Spoiler alert, my grandfather didn’t become a priest in Ireland.

Family legend has it that a priest preached against Charles Stewart Parnell, a politician who had advocated strongly for Ireland to have Home Rule, i.e. Irish self-government. Parnell had had a long-term affair which became public around 1890, perhaps to stem his huge popularity across Ireland. His advocacy for Home Rule was working, and the revelation of his long-term affair seems to me to have been a cynical move by UK politicians to provoke conservative Catholic opposition to Parnell. In other words, have the priests do their work for them.

As Parnell was a Protestant I would have expected my grandfather to revile him. But he was incensed enough by the anti-Parnell sermon and walked out of Mass. This led to his expulsion from his priesthood studies, from this beautiful seminary of Maynooth.

As the Fine Big Lad from Corballa, who’d been given every educational opportunity by his father, also called Patrick Brennan (mutton chop whiskers, top left), my grandfather left Maynooth and took the boat to Australia, never to return to Ireland again. After about thirty years rambling around the goldfields and wheatbelt and Midland, he married a 21-year-old and had twelve children, eleven who survived infancy. My father Gerard Brennan was his sixth child (top right, classic black and white 1960’s image).

As I made my way through the The Rest Is History podcast, there were other discoveries that highlighted to me the endless complexity and nuance of colonisation in Ireland. When, exactly was the boot of England really pressed against the neck of the Irish, and who exactly felt it? While colonisation began in 1169, it wasn’t until Henry the VIII when the screws tightened, when the overthrow of Irish churches and monasteries were violently enacted. The mystery of why Ireland stuck with the Roman Catholic church while England, Scotland and Wales didn’t can be traced back to how much the church supported the poor. Those with no land, living in poverty weren’t always interested in politics – if it was an English Lord or and Irish Laird they were still disenfranchised and powerless.

And so, fast forward to 1890, when Parnell, a politician who was bringing Ireland closer to Home Rule than it had been for centuries was destroyed by the Catholic Church adherents because of his illicit affair.

When my grandfather made it to Australia, he became a teacher because of his excellent Maynooth education. No matter the heat, he taught in his three piece suit, and my father, who was one of his pupils, commented that he wasn’t a teacher to set an exercise and sit at the front of the class lounging or mopping his brow. He taught actively, full tilt, all day long in the heat in his waistcoat and jacket. It was true that he also began each school year saying in his thick Irish brogue “stand up the Protestants.”

The weedy children from goldfields, wheatbelt and south west towns had no idea what a Protestant actually was. My father and his many brothers who usually made up half of his father’s small classroom would helpfully elbow their classmates and assure them they were Protestants. Uncertainly, the students would stand, only to be marked out for denigration and abuse for the rest of the school year.

So it confounds me to this day that my grandfather threw away his education and opportunity all for Parnell, a Protestant. And this is the complexity I was chewing over while in Ireland. But also, he may have realised that the priesthood was not for him. The vast brood of children he produced would indicate this is a possibility.

How many of us would not be alive if he had stayed listening to the anti-Parnell homily. So thanks Patrick, and thanks Gerard (modified thanks to mutton chop great-grandfather Patrick who sounded like quite a pill) for grandfathering and fathering my siblings and vast amounts of cousins. Happy heavenly Fathers Day.

Letting the sorrow ripen

Sunday Blog 198 – 17th August 2025

Picture of grapes - some ripe, some not. The words "letting the sorrow ripen" inspired by a Martha Beck podcast https://marthabeck.com/gathering-pod/the-uses-of-adversity/#/

This week I’ve been to Melbourne for a two-day meeting which I had intrepidly volunteered to co-chair, then I played catch-up with other work and volunteering commitments and worked on my final assignment for my first unit of a creative writing graduate certificate. As I’ve been focusing on script writing assignments, I’ve tried not to let my book project get too far behind. I’ve multi-tasked by working on scenes from the book, transforming them into stage versions.

Today I took time with my sisters to mark the nearly one year deathiversary of our beloved Mum. We can’t be together on the actual day, so we got together beforehand.

The combination of the melancholy – Mum’s been gone for nearly a year now – and the subject of my book is all about recovery from a single incident trauma – and the Melbourne meeting was related activism I haven’t delved into for a while – must have made this podcast episode jump out at me. The Uses of Adversity, featuring Martha Beck.

She described the analogy of pain, of sorrow, something we want to stop feeling as soon as possible – like an unripe fruit. But if we can sit with these uncomfortable feelings, they can soften, ripen and sweeten. Anger can become clear seeing. Fear can become courage. Sorrow can become compassion.

That’s what I needed to hear today. And if you needed to hear it too, here you are.